a loved one
by a far away world
Summary: arthur's done somthing horrible and it's somthing you can't find redeption for.  merlin hates him for it.
1. Chapter 1

"How could you have done that?" Merlin voice was high with sorrow and anger as he spoke.

He was on the other side of Arthur's bedchambers in front of the flaming hearth. With each penetrating word the flames bounced high very nearly torching the sheepskin that was pin to the wall above it, as if Merlin's anger was connected to the inferno some how.

His words were thrown to Arthur Pendragon on the other side of the room who was standing by the window with his back hunched. The lighting from the newly pressed storm outlined him in a halo like glow, though to Merlin he was far from angelic at this moment.

Arthur looked down below to the rain soaked courtyard and watched with a sight that wasn't all there as guards cleaned up the scorched black stake. He followed a scant of ashes that were stirred up by the wind.

"I didn't have a choice, Merlin!" he finally found his voice and spoke to the other.

Merlin scrunched up his face and said in a deadly whisper," _you always have a choice_!'

Arthur in desperation looked to the ceiling as if he could reach salvation beyond the plank boards, but all was silent. "What do you want me to say?"

"How about sorry? You just killed my mother, Arthur! My mother who you knew as well as any didn't work the craft of magic. Why didn't you stop your father from killing her? Those books where on herb lore and those concoctions where just like the ones Gauis has in his stores! Why did it have to be you that raised the hand to give the signal and you didn't at least try to stop!" Merlin cried out at him and he honorably let tears flow free from his eyes.

"I- I can't say sorry," he muttered as he felt his skin prick with something other than coldness.

Merlin clenched his teeth and snarled at the prince as he slammed the door upon leaving. Arthur listend as the footsteps died away into the quite padding of rain and his own sniffling was left. He walked over to the two door framed door and slumped down and drew up his knees.

He always felt the most calmness in his room. In here behind closed doors, he could be whoever he wanted to be: a prince, a lover to Gwen, a friend, a brother, his own person. Though right know the room felt too small as if it where a quarantined room for the sick and ill willed. He took a deep breath, how do you apologize for killing a loved one?, he thought.

You don't, his mind whispered, not in words.

He closed his eyes and could see Hurnith as her pale flesh melted off her face and Arthur watched as Merlin sunk to his knees wailing. Merlin….he was lucky Arthur managed to make his father spare him, as it usually went if one in the family was in the craft all where doomed.

He licked his lips and hoped Merlin understood why he could not apologize to him. In the end Arthur realized as he laid his head against the door and shook….in the end…"I can't past any of this…my father's acts….his ruling…the deaths…with out you."


	2. Chapter 2

"Merlin, please just let me talk to you," Arthur said to Merlin in the dimly lit corner of the corridor.

Merlin shook his head at the prince and none to gently shoved passed him and began to walk away with a fast and heated pace. Arthur walked after him, his shadow twisting and turning much like his soul on the wall.

"….Please…." Arthur tried again in attempt to at least get the brunet to look at him. Even it was to spit in his face at least it was still a sign he was listing.

"NO!"

Arthur stopped walking at stood in the middle of the hall and Merlin too stopped, but it wasn't to apologize for shooting at him. Merlin's whole body shook as the sadness he had at the beginning faded none too slowly to loathing hate.

Arthur reached out to Merlin and took his arm hoping he would at least- at least what? He took a deep breath," Merlin…please… just for a minute- I…- you have no idea…"

With a tug Merlin ripped his arm out of Arthur 's hold and with a sudden motion spat at Arthur landing salvia right in his face, and Arthur took no move to wipe it off. With a back wards walk Merlin glared at his once best friend.

"I have no idea? No, it's you that does not know how I fell. I don't even want to look at you right now. Just stay the hell away from me you deceiving bastard. Don't think this is something that you can just glaze over 'cause you're a Damm PRINCE!" He shouted and kicked Arthur in the shin making him fall.

This time Merlin walked away and took to pounding down the flight of stairs, where he now worked in the library with the chronicler. He renounced his place as Arthur's servant and it seemed with every passing day this gap got bigger and uglier.

Arthur crawled to his knees and over to a little outlet hideaway ignoring the pain. It's been a month since the day, and still he couldn't find redemption for it. With little strength, he crawled back to his chambers.

The room became his prison as he trapped himself in wallowing and shadowing darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

"He's has been locked away in that blasted room of his for two god forsaken weeks!" Uther Pendragon shouted right outside the door of said room where Arthur Pendragon lay inside on a chair with a bleak expression watching the sky. He heard the conversation, but it was as if it was a muffled thud of thoughts, blended together in a maelstrom.

"I know of this sire, but there is hardly any thing you or any of us can do. I tried administrating a concoction to help him recede out of this foggy state of mind, but he refused it, my lord." Guias said as he stood opposite of Uther.

He had tried giving it to Arthur, oh yes, but the boy was stubborn as a fly looking for fresh skin to sit on. Arthur would let him in the room, would let him uncap the bottle, but then he would take the bottle himself and dump it out the window or sit there until Gauis gave up in desperation. And it aggravated him to no end!

Uther ran a frustrated hand over his ageing face and growled in anger and frustration, as he had no idea what could be effecting his son so. It was on the beginning of the fourth day last week when he had an inkling something was irregular, as one of the knight errants (from the kingdom of Balintor) had come to him, and in a buddle of nerves too! With a inadequately amount of patience as it was Uther had to scare the boy into telling him Arthur had failed to show up for the fourth time that week. Therefore, he had marched down here and demand to know what had the boy under such a cloud, and Arthur only started at him with bleak and lifeless eyes.

"Perhaps it would be best if we don't try to chase away what's plaguing Arthur and let it come to an end on it's own. He has no doubt fallen into a depress state for a reason we have no comprehension of." Gauis finally spoke up in a calm voice. He knew the king took not matter lightly these days.

Uther in turn waved his leather-gloved hand in the air and knights rounded a corner with something akin to a battling ram. The knights held the little cylinder with a pointed end on it and looked to their king for further instructions. With a perplexed and astonished look, Gauis backed off as Uther swung his hand to the door. With a muffled bang and a lot of dust, the door broke open and Uther stepped in.

The knights backed out the door with the ram and Uther strode over to his son, who had not even turned around. With a firm hand, he twisted the chair so it would be facing him, and he glowered. Arthur looked up at him and with a sigh sat correctly in the chair.

"Father," he greeted, his tone still sounding like a monotone.

"It's time you stopped this nonsense Arthur and straighten up."

With a snort, Arthur stood off his chair, placed another timber into the fire, and watched the sparks fly almost to the sheepskin above. With a shadowed face, he quickly demised the fire and the room grew cold in seconds.

"This is quite enough! The people are starting to talk, and frankly it is not good talk," Uther snapped as his son just started at him once again.

"So, let them."

Arthur whished his father would just leave him alone. No amount of talking would snap him out of this, nor would any potion either. In fact, he was mad at his father, enough he dreamed at night of watching him being crushed. However, he was madder at himself.

"Where is that blasted servant of yours at? He should be making sure you don't fall in a state like this. He's suppose to look over your need, and frankly he didn't report of your absence for training, one of the knights did!

Arthur rolled his head and said blankly," He's been dismissed."

"What do you mean dismissed?" Uther snapped as he hauled his son up to his feet and held back ganging as his son reeked of sweat and grime.

"Exactly that. We had a fight, so I dismissed him. Funny as it was partially your fault!"

Oh, that got Uther attention as he none to gently yanked Arthur close to his face and snarled, "What do you mean MY fault!"

Arthur laughed with out humor," You killed his mother-well I did- but you let me give the signal for the fire. How could you do that? Now he has lost a mother to death just like me, only someone killed her. She ever did anything wrong."

Uther face glowed red and all he could see was black spots along his line of vision. How dare his son accuse him of killing an innocent woman, and how dare he bring his beloved Igraine into this! He let go of his son and he fell on the floor, not bothering to pick himself up.

"Never compare your mother to that witch or any for that matter! That woman was accused of witchcraft, and I have half a mind that boy is particular in just the same way! I might just have to integrate him too! "Uther whispered fiercely.

Arthur picked him self off the floor and shakily gripped the wall," No! Merlin as I told you isn't magical or in the craft. He's just a normal servant!"

Uther stared at his son and connected the pieces. His face pulled into an affronted look," That boys the cause of this mess you are in isn't it! The stupid servant, I knew he was trouble."

Arthur gapped and croaked," I killed his mother and there is no way I can apologize for that!"

The king went to open his mouth but closed it in a snap and with a shove knocked the clatter of misshapen items on the floor off the table. He plowed out of the room and slammed the door as he did. Arthur closed his eyes recalling the same sound as he pictured Merlin's face. He curled up in the corner and resumed looking at the sky, but he knew no good would come of the conversation he had with his father.

Gauis put a hand over his mouth from inside the shadows and swallowed something cruel and plain as sympathy, as he hoppled back to his chambers with mind whirling at what he heard.

**To be continued…**


	4. Chapter 4

hi guys! thanks for all the reivews-you know who you are- they really made my day! well here's the next chapter! i must warn you, i don't know how good this one is as it was hard to get everything i wanted in.

happy reads!

* * *

><p>Gauis walked back to his chamber with a troubled, heavy, and productive mind. His thoughts, though they were troubled, were clear on one thing: Arthur Pendragon and his dilemma. He rounded a bend in the next hall and passed the old wine cellar that used to house the king's finest wine, until Uther whished it to be moved closer to his chamber to establish it's good years or so he said. With a growing hobble and growing concerns, he passed two guards in the hallway who were huddled together and whispering softly, when they heard Gauis, they quickly moved back in their post and gave him a curt but shameful nod. Passing them, he made his way down a set of spiral set of stairs and finally made it to his chambers.<p>

Unlocking his door, he gave it a firm push and walked in. He went straight to an old looking, but usable table, picking up a book as he did so. He opened the book and blew dust from the murky red cover. He had gotten the book from his master about two decades or more ago, so it was well scripted as well as used. Leafing through the pages, he hardly paid any attention as he thought about Arthur.

He was right in telling the king that he suffered from a depress state, and that the little medicine he knew couldn't help it. He has had some cases like this before that ended well or ended badly with much sorrow left behind. The only thing that concerned him, was never before, had the prince been like this.

When he was just about a swaddling toddler Gauis had taken Arthur under his wing, as his father was always busy, and kept him preoccupied as well as teaching him. He taught him the values of life and that life was like a stone: you should never leave one unturned. Now it seemed Arthur had turned over all the stones he had ever over turned and was blinded by all the others sitting on the road of life.

Gauis sat down on a cot by the empty hearth and frowned, Arthur has always been like a son to me, he thought with heavy thoughts, but it seems that Merlin, who I also see as my son is causing his pain.

He knew the two were different but were friends none the less. Every day he watched that friendship and respect grow in the many misadventures and their boy like actions the boys showed. He found it amazing and yet troublesome, for while each was entwined in the destiny set before them by the gods, he feared something or some one would come in the way of that kindling friendship and smother it to ashes.

Thought he often wondered as he did now why prince took such a liking to the servant boy and went into this low into darkness because of him. However, perhaps it was the knowing sense of guilt, like the one Arthur said, as he did kill Merlin's mother.

Gauis shuddered as he saw his sister-in-law being eaten up by flames, but not once did she scream or show hatred to Arthur as he lowed his hands. As being the boy's care taker he knew Arthur inside and out sometimes and saw the sickness and hurt as Hurnith burned…and Merlin's silent cries and more anger than a person could possibly have as he left after Arthur .

Gauis came out of his pensive thoughts as none other than Merlin came through the door at this minute. He seemed not to notice Gauis as he shut the door, with drawn shoulders took a seat at the table, and stared at the wood. Gauis silently observed his charge. His face was paler (paler than usual) and his cheeks and torso thinned out, his hair-hung amiss, and that spark of his was gone. The sign of someone mourning death.

"Merlin, you are back earlier than usual," Gauis finally said as he found his charge's state disturbing.

Merlin looked up and followed the sound of his uncle's voice to the hearth and smiled," The chronicler said I could take my break early as it's been a slow day. Where have you been, you went here this morning?"

Gauis got off his cot-like bed and went over to a table adjacent from the door; there he reached down and from an in-carved hollow space grabbed out two plates and two cups. He then placed two loafs of small breads and two slices of dried meat (salted and dried from last winter's stores). Merlin thanked him, took bite of the meat, and waited for Gauis to answer.

When Gauis sat down, he looked at Merlin and said off handedly, "The king called and asked me to visit him this morning. He had a problem."

Merlin having no love for the king made a rude face and finished his meat strip before he spoke again," Let me guess the king was ill again?"

Gauis shook his head vaguely and answered," No, Merlin Uther is not the one ill (thank the gods this is the first week he hasn't been) but Arthur is ill, and has been for two weeks."

Merlin choked on his mug of water, sat it back down on the table, using the back of his sleeve to wipe his mouth, and laughed, "Well this is news! Let me guess the git went and got a cold from hunting in the rain and now is stuffed up or he sprang something, but it ended up becoming broke as he was ignorant and too stubborn to have it looked at? Kinda funny now that the prince doesn't have me to control and bark orders at…let his new servant face his bastard wrath as he seems to have no feeling but his own to worry about! I pity the one in his charge!"

Gauis gently set down his mug and watched Merlin shake with laughter. He wondered what kind of world he had landed in as he took hold of Merlin's arm and made him stop. Merlin blinked owlishly as red raised to his cheeks under Gauis' gaze. He just gently took his arm back and laid it on the table.

"Merlin I am afraid that Arthur's illness is not that simple. He has fallen into a depressed state of being and none of my medicines can chase the darkness he is harboring away."

Merlin slouched into his chair and played with the brim of his shirt and shrugged," So what? He's probably just putting on this act because one of the knights bested him or something of the sort. It wouldn't be the first time he's done it. I think it's an act to get more attention then he has, he always was attention seeking, the bloody scoundrel!"

Gauis had enough as he stood up quickly and hit Merlin upside the head, and glared as Merlin went wide eyed, and stumbled from his chair cradling his head. With a quick spell, Gauis warded off Merlin's bedroom door preventing him from escaping. Merlin tried a counter spell, but it wouldn't work.

"What the hell was that for?" Merlin wanted to know

"Listen up Merlin and stop acting so rebellious. Arthur is many things but he is not attention seeking and the illness he has is not from the petite things that you named off. He is depressed because of you Merlin! He fells guilty for what he did and he-"

Merlin's face morphed into a hidden expression before it changed to raw anger. He cut Gauis off by shouting, "So what you're on his side too then? He killed _my_ mother- _your_ sister-in-law and you don't hate him for it? My mother is not magical even a tiniest of bits and that son of a bitch king had to go after her when she cured sir, Thomas when she had moved in here to be closer to us! Then Arthur made no freaking move to stop his father when she was dragged down the hall to the cellar, and if that's not enough he killed her! And you are blaming it on me sine I won't accept his stupid apology!"

Merlin eyes were swing with gold, as he got angrier and angrier. His body hummed with magic from his core threatening to spill out, so he griped the table that had Gauis glass beaker on the surface and tried not to break them to glass bits. Gauis face shadowed with saddens and he shuddered in his skin.

"Don't think I do not miss your mother or that her death does not creep up on me like it does you. She waves heavy on my mind, and when she died, I too had a strong dislike for Uther and I still do. I am on neither side as you put it, as you were both wronged: you lost a mother and Arthur was force to do something horrible. Don't think Arthur wanted to kill your mother, Merlin, but refusing a king: a high king like Uther, is unheard off."

"I don't ask that you all of a sudden forgiven him, Merlin, but do know that there is, if anything, redemption for him because he did not mean it and you, I ask you, to at least hear the boy out. He is fading Merlin and I know you to fell at least something of the friendship you used to have, and will at least make an attempt, even it's to tell him you wish never to see him again."

Merlin reached his hand off the table and moved around Gauis as he snagged his shoes from the door (he had taken them off during his entrance) and opened the door. With his hands on the silver, rusting, handle he looked over his shoulders," I apologizes to you, but not to him, and I don't want him to apologize to me either. What he did hurts me and I can't -you can't force me to see him. As I recall I already told him to stay the hell away from me!"

With that, Merlin walked off down the hallway, ran the rest of the way to the center of the castle, and breathed deep whilst kicking a shifted flagstone. Not caring about the pain or onlookers, he made his way outside to cool off some steam.

Arthur's mother died too, his brain said out of nowhere, and by his father's hands.

Walking faster and shaking his head, he hopped over the little crescent of a stream watching the frogs hop away. On the other side of the stream he turned around and for he froze, his body felt like it had been shock, his head flashed back to Gauis' explanation of why he was gone this morning, as he saw Arthur Pendragon standing on the slim and not very wide windowsill outside his chambers!

**To be continued….**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello guys! Here's the next chapter. This one was sad and hard to Wright as I am against suicidal and self-harm. Well I hope you like this chapter and my take on Uther! Enjoy ^ _ ^**

**-smiles **

**Ps thanks for the reviews **

Long after his father left his room and his only son down on the floor looking like a wounded soul, did Arthur finally stand up. He slowly made his way to the window as his legs hit the objects his father had strewn on the floor in his furry. He picked the chair up though as he loved this chair because it was his mothers' at one point but didn't bother to sit on it.

Why couldn't his father see that killing people out of spite and selfish revenge was wrong and sickening? It was too hurtful, too messy, and too traumatizing. He brushed his dry hands along the windowsill of his only window over looking the whole of Camelot and closed his eyes.

After Merlin had kicked him in the hallway, Arthur had arrived back in his room, and decided that's where he would stay. The room was his prison that he deserved, it's where the best moments with Merlin where- from the banter to the escaping from Gauis wrath when they had accidentally set his newly found works on fire, it's where he had the last actual conversation with Merlin, and had a direct spot of where he had so shamelessly killed Hurnith at. As a reminder to him.

"What would you know anyway?" he asked himself as if his father was in the room still.

"You have always made sure things fall your way either naturally or by force. You don't know anything about the people you hurt or the pain I suffer by killing those you considered sinned."

Arthur paused," But it's my fault too isn't? If I care so much as I do I would've stopped you or tried to rebel against your orders, but I didn't because I was-am-scared. Scared what would happen if I do go against it and find the heartlessness calling back to me."

With a sadden gaze around the room, he smiled at a stained spot on his floor next to his cupboard. It was where Merlin had been caring a pail of water for his bath and Arthur had hidden behind the cupboard and with sly skill, spooked Merlin so bad he had tripped, and splashed water everywhere. He was mad of course, but it had disappeared into laughter making them forget all about the one stain that had formed into the flagstone floor. Though Merlin hated every inch of him now and the reason was no fools trick: it was death.

With out hesitation as the room felt too small for him, he opened the window and took a step out on to the crumbling ledge. He perched on it and drawled in a deep breath as if was his first, and then he looked down to the lands….or his last. He tasted metallic on the back of his tongue as his hands sweated with moisture from gripping the sill. He watched it crumpled away bit by bit from weather rot and the sun's rays penetrating it. However, right now was a cloudy day and dismal just like Arthur was feeling.

Shifting his foot so he was positioned at the edge he looked out along the land and directed his eyes to a little stream. He saw shadows playing on the water like dragon flies floating about, as it lapped and stroked the green grassland. The land beyond that stretched in to the village where the brightly colored signs and houses where bustled together. He watched as ant like people walked along the sides barding or talking with others. They paid no heed to the prince whose mind was becoming darker.

A silent clear tear escape his eye and ran down his face like a raindrop to the sill and down to the earth. No one would miss the prince, surly, not with his father around. Besides no one loved him since he commented Hurnith to death.

With delicate hands, he braced him self against the wall of the castle and pushed off with his eyes closed. He wondered for a fleeting second if it would hurt coming to land on the ground or if Merlin would fell anything but smugness when they found him?

He opened one eye and wondered if he was almost to the earth when he found him self-hanging off the sill and his hand outstretched…someone had a hold on the back of his shirt!

With a short tug, he was hauled back into the room and with a roll of limbs and arms landed to the floor with an oomph. He groaned and opened his eyes only to see a very familiar red neckerchief. With shaky hands he pushed himself to his knees and with a spinney vision, said with hints of strain in his voice," Merlin?"

Was this a dream he thought, but no the pain was too real. As he studied Merlin who stood up with flourish movements. He wondered if Merlin had forgiven him, but that notion was gone in a split second as Merlin, with fist back behind his back and his body tilted forward yelled," Are you trying to get more attention then you are ready have?"

Arthur shook his head," Death for a death, Merlin. I killed your mother and I have nothing to live for. I feel terrible, Mer-"

"STOP IT! That's the most selfish and craziest thing I have ever heard of! If you think killing yourself over my mother's death is going to grant you anything you are wrong-it will grant you nothing but hell!"

Arthur stood up, looked at Merlin, and saw he looked worse for wear then he probably did and a blast of saddens came over of him again. He finally sat in his chair and let a tear flow out his eye again and he let his hands grab the soft skin hanging on the chair.

Merlin meanwhile was panting heard from running all this way from the lake and was amazed with his strength and felt confused. It seems Gauis was right, he thought watching Arthur slip back into him self, he is wasting away. He felt something akin to sadness for his old friend, but pushed it away quickly, he fooled himself into thinking it was never there.

"Why are you here then, Merlin? I could have ended it all…I was in reach of making you happy. I would be gone."

Merlin stood silent and looked to the window, which still was open, and a small but dainty breeze flowed in from the outside.

"Like I said death won't bring back the dead and I would think you selfish if you jumped," Merlin said.

Arthur looked to him and It seemed just for a second, he was struggling to say something more, because he swore he caught a glimpse of the old Merlin, but it was never to be as Uther rushed into the room and caught Merlin in a vice grip.

"So. So this is the servant, yes? Yes, I know you hmmm, in fact Arthur is this way because of you and that bitchy whore mother you had!" Uther laughed and shook Merlin who snarled and tried to kick the king, but was jostled.

Arthur stood up in shock. his father has gone mad. It was true Uther was looking hellishly, his face tinted pick, and his eyes gleamed madly.

"Father what are-" Arthur began as he felt a spark of strength within him.

"Shut up, you little waif! Fools all of you- and you Arthur for thinking of a servant like so. Oh yes I know…this dog is something to you is he not? Important to you? Don't think I have failed to notice before any of this. You love him- no, not in that way, boy (he said when Merlin whipped around to see Arthur , his face green) but one might have for family-a distant blood tie or close blood tie. Yes…I hate you boy, casing my son to confided in you and be close to some one that would cause his death!"

Uther stopped here to choke in a hacking sort of way as Merlin tried to free himself in the process, but Uther slammed him to the floor and held an arm over his thin throat. "Not that I can blame you, my son, I fear you are unorthodox in manner just like your mother- the barbican women. Whished he would've jumped too, then I would be rid of you just like your mother." He smiled sickly at his son who looked crushed and horrified. Arthur tried to find the strength to help Merlin, but he was so weak.

"Father let him go!" he said instead.

Uther just shook his head and dragged Merlin with his dismantled, joint out of place, arm out the door as he goaded Arthur along. Arthur slunk down the corridor fast and tried to look for someone to help him, but all seemed gone. He followed his father sometimes managing to grab him only to be kicked off like a puppy until Merlin was thrown in a cell and Uther gave a final kick to Arthur making him gasp in unnatural pain and slide to the floor. Merlin clung to the bars of the cell looking at Arthur.

"mmmm, yes I think you shall be roasted in flame, boy. Be rid of you quickly that way." He cuffed Merlin when he tried to spit on him and turned to Arthur who breathed shallowly.

"And you will be the one to kill him."

Arthur winced and tried to respond as his father left and shrouded them in darkness. He heard Merlin shift against the doors of the cell causing a soft cling as he did so. There wasn't very much room down here in the old division of the dungeons. It was cramped, dirty, and dripping with wastewater. Arthur clutched at the dirt trying to look at Merlin through squinting, hoping beyond hope, he would not hate him no more then before.

"Is- is what your father said true?" he asked in a distant voice.

Arthur opened his mouth as a fresh striking pain over took him making him see white. He rolled over so his back was against the wall and his feet crisscrossed in an x. he wheezed," what part? My self sorrow or the other thing?"

Merlin's voice held no tone as he said," The other thing."

Arthur closed his eyes and felt very sleepy all of the sudden as he whispered," Yes, Merlin he's right…my family consist of a power thirst king, and crazed witch, and right now I'd take you and Gauis for my family in a heart beat. ….I meant what I said a death for a death and that I am so sorry."

Merlin said nothing as he watched Arthur 's breathing even out to a sleep but not before he muttered," I won't let anything happen to you and I won't let my father control me any longer!"

Merlin nodded even thought it was dark. He closed his eyes and said tearfully, " I know you are sorry, but don't blame me because I was mad. I had every right to be, but I hate my self more because I didn't try to stop it and I took it out on you, Arthur. My mother would not want things like this. She loved you too Arthur, I know she did. You- you know why I didn't let you jump? It's because I couldn't face some one else dieing that I cared about…..I call Camelot home because of you, you are the first person I could call a friend, Arthur who didn't treat me abnormally

Merlin laughed to himself as he wept more and more, "And here I thought I was meant to protect you!"

He drawled off and fell to sleep unaware Arthur had been awake through the whole monologue and was smiling. "You are Merlin…you are"

He fell in to a troubled sleep as the moon set on the two boys as they awaited a gothic terror of fate.

**To be continued….**


	6. Chapter 6

The drums' beat was mesmerizing and like a chant as the squires of Camelot played. Up and down, up and down the beat went; thump, thump, thrump. In the courtyard, there was a stand almost tall as it was wide. It was made, some people say, out of human bones grinded up and smashed together to make the final stand of those undertaking the death sentence. On top of this stone platform was a bundle of brown stained and very dry sticks, which were fanned out and tied low at the base of a pole sticking up out of the platform. In a ring of two circles were the villagers to the kingdom, that had been aroused from there straw beds when their king's herald made the announcement from the watchtower right outside the gate: a death was coming at dawn.

The village's people where on the brink of liking the deaths and finding them highly annoying because sometimes, and this was slim, a person that was influenced badly got what they deserved for actually doing bad things, and other times, this being most of the time, they watched in malady as loved one's burned to death, leaving nothing but smoke. They died from being nothing short of a plaything for the king. This morning as coldness traveled swift upon the marsh and up to the uncovered hands, feet, and face of the people they muttered about who was going to be the victims of their king's wrath.

"It will probably be the miller; he's strange I tell you. His crop has not died once this season!" said the bakers wife Helen, who was prime in age and had a certain enjoyment of seeing the miller suffer so. Many thought it was from a lover's debut they used to have.

"Nay, tis will be the old fool daughter Milery. I heard she tricked the wickers son into enchanting her one night and hasn't been seen since her belly grown full!" said an old man at the second ring as he was jostled and pushed as other's tried to get away or have a closer look.

The comments went on and on some more outrages than others as they bounced up and down trying to ward off the cold, and their minds filled with thought out hot porridge they had abandon for this. Then the palaces' door opened and they watched as a man no more than half the age of the prince strolled out.

He had auburn hair that was neatly trimmed to match the finely pressed tailored tunic and the heavy and warm trousers he wore. He led a slim figure by the back on the neck to the platform. The person wore wrinkled cloths and his head was covered in a pale wheat sack as most where when they were led out. His hands where chained in shackles, crude with rust and they bit into the pale flesh none too gently. With a final shove and a quick connection of the shackles to the pole behind the person, the people watched as the king stepped out on the balcony above.

His cloak swung around his shoulders as knights on either side on him flanked him, as he took to the middle of the balcony. He watched the crowed of peasants as they shifted in his gaze and he broke out in a smile," Today will be the day when all of us will be at peace. This person-this vile and corrupted person has been known to be ill willed since I first laid my eyes on him, three summers ago. I have watched as he slowly droved the kingdom's heir to death and shadows, and yester eve he almost did parish, had I not stopped him and took the person by force. I thought it began with the vile witch that was his mother, but the source always lies with the babe she bores in the belly. "

The peasants shared a look at each other as they watched Arthur be 'helped' out be his father. He was rumpled and looked shaken as he looked to the man that was on the platform, who was looking around real quick like trying to pinpoint the voices location.

The peasants have heard talk of Arthur's sudden illness and they weren't stupid like some believed they were. They knew the goings of the castle as much as the next person and they believed-though they didn't say it-that Arthur fell ill due to his hand in his servant's mother death. They watched that day as the troubled and frightful distain look Arthur carried as he lowered his hands and the flames sparked to life. They also saw that in the past week or so Merlin, the fun and loveable Young man was gone from Arthur's side.

"And as the cause of his illness it only seems fair my troubled and misplaced heir be the one to kill him." Uther laughed a manacle laugh that even sent the knights wondering if this was right.

With a rough and Uther pushed Arthur forward and whispered firmly in his ear. Arthur's shook his head and tried to back his father up, but the king was stronger than someone with a broken rib.

"NO I won't do it! Your mad, father…crazy, killing over something like this? It's drove you power hungry!"

Uther slapped his son then making him flat to the balcony floor, and when the knights knew the king had lost it and concluded the limping and dried blood from Arthur had also came from his father's hands they charged at him. However, Uther brandished his own two-handed sword and killed them.

"You dare turn against me? Your king, you fools would not be where you are today with out me. No better than my whore wife or bastard son. Oh yes, Arthur you are not my son. You were born in the squander in the night in my chambers, but you were born from the seed of a man named Balinor who I threw from the kingdom not because of his use of magic, but who he was and what he did with the whore I married. Your mother always thought me vile and said he had a heart of love and compassion I did not. However, I need an heir so I claimed you as my own, yes I call you my son as I whish not to be thought of as a low and sly king!"

Arthur eyes got big as he heard that news spill from his father's mouth. He was not his father's son, he was the son of the man who lived in the cave and had died protecting Merlin! That man who he even now recalled the felling of self-knowing when he awoke and looked him in the eyes, was that of the same blood.

While he took in this information so did everyone else and so, no one was quick enough to stop the king when he picked up a lit torch from the holder on the wall, and with little effort through it over hand. It traveled slowly and landed on the foot of the pillar, which the bag clad man stood. A little wind and it sparked a light and began to climb. The bag was loosened from the head of the victim and all could see the huge eared man named Merlin. White as a sheet he tried to back up from the flame. A shout of emotion sounded not from this but of something that was happing at the same time.

Merlin watched as Arthur, his brother, crawled to a stand and with a leap of faith dove of the balcony, and crouched jumped from an overhead roof, landing in the middle of the flames with Merlin.

please leave a review if you wish!

To be continued….


	7. Chapter 7

The fire had not burned him as he jumped through it. He felt nothing but coolness as he landed upright on his feet and looked at Merlin. He didn't know what made him jump over the balcony ledge and into the fire to Merlin, only he did. Though he knew it was not from Uther's exclamation or the fact, his whole life had been a lie, not that wasn't it. It was because of Merlin.

"Arthur ! The fire!" Merlin shouted at him as he just stood there.

Oh, right!

With precise limbs and a nibble body, too thin from when he didn't eat he ducked under Merlin to the pole where he was hooked, and saw where he was bounded to the pole. The thing was simple-the cuffs keyed to the metal circle coming out of the pole. Arthur with his side splitting and his father yelling, jiggled the connections, but they would not lessen. He gave a tug and cursed again as they did not move.

"Arthur just go. Go!' Merlin pleaded to the prince as his feet slipped and the fire licked his skin an inch at a time. He knew there was no sense in them both dieing, and at least he would die knowing something-he wasn't alone anymore!

"No, Merlin not with out you. Stay still." Arthur ordered the young man and watched from the corner as flames came closer and closer. He choked on black smoke and his eyes watered, so he was unprepared when Uther grabbed him from behind.

The king hit him to the ground and stomped on him twice and then a fourth time. He hailed Arthur up and shook him as Arthur tried to get away, and back to Merlin who was gone by smoke now, but could be heard screaming.

"You little shit! I thought your daily lessons such as theses would be enough to teach you to obey me, or did you forget the lesson I gave you when you cried over the witch I had you kill, ah boy?"

Arthur raised his hands but the blow never came as Uther fell to the earth and Gauis held a tome in his hands. The older man glared at the king and hauled Arthur up, but could not keep him as he went back to the stone. He could see Merlin now as the flames scorched his cloths through to his skin. He tried to yell, but could not.

Merlin was going to die and because of him!

Suddenly something was pushed into Arthur's hands and the blond saw a dagger in the fire light. He looked to see one of the knights had given it to him and he nodded at them. With a bound and a leap, he brought it down on the chain and Merlin fell over the fire to the ground. He scrapped the boy up and with Gauis took him to the physician's chambers.

Merlin was put on the cot by the hearth and Gauis looked over the boy and tisked as burns started to appear on his skin, he placed a hand on his brow, but Merlin didn't wake.

"It's my fault," Arthur said from the doorway where he stood and watched Merlin.

Gauis looked up from Merlin and to Arthur , his face stern as his voice, "it's not your fault, Arthur , you saved him. It's Uther's."

Arthur just gave a nod and sat down jerkily. Uther, when Merlin had rolled off from the fire, had leapt after Arthur and try to push him into the fire. Arthur had dodged him and watched the man who had he thought as his father over the years, burn to smoke just like Arthur's life he thought he knew.

"He's in a coma right now, Arthur , but he's okay." Gauis said putting a blanket over Merlin and walking over to Arthur. With cold hands he pushed his shirt up to his ribs and cursed at the bruises there-not all were new.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Gauis asked soothingly.

Arthur pushed his shirt back down and didn't look at Gauis. He was ashamed everyone knew now what his father had done to him over the years. He felt so small in the world like a bug under a child's gaze.

"Because I thought it was right and that I deserved it."

"That's a lie, Arthur. Gauis whispered, furious he did not catch this sooner. The boy's stomach and back was purple and blue with blotched skin, red slits drew blood. He moved his hand to Arthur's head and moved him to lie against his chest, "no one deserves this kind of treatment, not even a prince."

He let his hands work with balms and potions as he watched Arthur who watched Merlin. He knew that Merlin had at sometime forgave Arthur for what he did and knew when he awoke he would just be shocked with what he learned from Uther and mad at what the king did to him. Arthur stayed there and kept quite as knights came in and out looking at him and telling him things he only half heard, they told Gauis Uther was dead.

It was half past midnight when he spoke, "I am not a prince. My father was an outlaw and I didn't even know who he was when I saw him. I don't understand only that I am alone and with out family."

Gauis who was at the table had grown used to Arthur's quiteness and Merlin's retched breathing, he forgot the prince was there. When he spoke, Gauis looked up his older nephew was gone from his chambers. The old man looked to Merlin and ran a hand through the brown hair, "Wake up Merlin, Arthur needs you, and you're the one that will be able to explain everything to him."

**To be continued….**


	8. Chapter 8

"Arthur 's my brother?" Merlin said to Gauis as he smeared cream over the slight burns he had. Camelot was quite for once this past week after Uther's death and his exclamation. To say it was shocking was an understatement. Arthur had taken to his room peroctily when he had not visited Merlin when he was in his coma, and Merlin had not seen him since he awoke.

Gauis paused," yes he is."

Merlin shifted his arm to the side and winced a little at a sharp pain, but it went away. He closed his eyes, " I don't understand. How can Arthur be my brother if my father was with was with my mother, and he looks like Uther?"

Gauis capped the slave and returned it to the shelf. He messed around with the other concoctions before he sat down again and drew a breath, "Balinor lived in Camelot for a time, this you know. He loved Igraine very much and they had an affair behind Uther's back. Not that I blame her, as Uther was cruel and twisted back then, and constantly treated Igraine like so. Uther found out she had become a child and found out who's it was. He was mad and called in a witch for help."

Merlin listened very carefully but when Gauis said this he talked again," you mean Nimuae don't you? But I thought Uther wanted an heir as Igraine couldn't bear children, and Nimuae granted that causing Igraine's death!"

Gauis put a hand on Merlin's shoulders and looked him in the eye. Both ignored the boiling pot on the hearth and the calls from outside the window. "Yes, I mean Nimuae, Merlin. He called upon her and asked her to destroy the child inside the queen's belly and make him an heir. She did so, but not how he thought. She altered Arthur's looks so he looked like Uther and defected Arthur from what was passed onto him. The magic and heartbreak Igraine suffered from Uther, killed her in the end."

"My father's powers were that of the dragon's lords and passed on to the first son, so Arthur was supposed to have them, not me!" Merlin said to his uncle his face sadden.

"Yes, and Nimuae altered that in Arthur erasing any power he had in him. Balinor was cassted form Camelot and meet Hurnith, your mother in Ealdor. Your mother was friends with Igraine when she lived her, and heard what happened. She took your father in and they fell in love. You came from it, Merlin and was given your powers and that of your father's."

Merlin could just see his mother and father sitting in Ealdor with eased minds as the sun went down over the hills, and smiled at such a thought. He looked to the clay dragon on the shelf hidden from view when Uther was king and sighed thinking how Arthur must feel at being deceived.

"You knew Gauis so why didn't you tell us?" Merlin asked accusation in his voice.

"Because Uther didn't know I knew. The one's that did where Igraine, Balinor, Hurnith, and now you. I felt it best not to tell you, at least for now. I couldn't bear the thought of losing either of you if Uther was to find out."

Merlin stood up, picked up the dragon, and looked at it. It was small in his hands and smooth from being looked at so many times by him, it was the only thing of his fathers he knew of, but that wasn't true any more.

"I have to tell Arthur, don't I?" he asked Gauis as he joined him.

His mentor nodded to him and laid a hand over his, "I think Arthur would like that."

With his dragon in hand, Merlin knocked on Arthur's door and was greeted with a soft "enter." Pushing the door opened he found Arthur standing at the window though it was closed this time.

"Arthur ?" Merlin asked as he entered.

The young blond turned around and looked at Merlin for a second, scaning the burns he had up and down his arm. He took a step forward too and asked," how are you?"

Merlin shrugged at the prince and sat down with out being asked to," never better."

"You?" Merlin asked as he looked to Arthur withered and abused body. Anger rising towards the king who was dead.

Arthur remained standing behind him and said not a thing, and licked his lips as he watched Merlin twiddle with the edge of the table, and a splinter of wood dropped to the floor.

"You're not still mad at me are you, Merlin? I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I swear! I don't know what to feel though, as everything I ever know has been a lie." Arthur said and sat straight to the floor and ran a hand over his hair. Merlin could see faint marks on his skin too.

" You saved my life and you saved mine so we are even. I don't blame you for my mother's death either…I had no idea Uther treated you so."

Arthur laughed a humorless laugh and cursed," no one did and I never asked why, I just let him. I know now though why he did it was because I am not his son."

Merlin looked away from him and bit his lip at the sound Arthur made. He sounded so hurt and Merlin wondered if he should tell him or not.

"Arthur …I have to tell you something."

Arthur looked up at him and waved his hand to go on with it, as he had people all day coming in and telling him how sorry they were for him being a bastard, well not in those word, but around there.

"You know I told you I never knew who my father was, and that I never meet him?"

Arthur recalled the discussion they had the day before the dragon attack, and how their lives carefree had been. He recalled felling sorry for Merlin, and now he felt the roles were reversed.

"I fibbed, Arthur. I meet my father that day when we went looking for the dragon lord."

Arthur noted the catch in Merlin's voice as he spoke to him. Arthur wondered why Merlin would keep such a thing from him, but then again he noticed no one in the pub they had been at, that looked like Merlin, and the only other person they had seen was Balinor, Arthur 's father. Arthur felt his body tingle as he started to speak," Merlin,-"

"Balinor is my father Arthur and you are my brother." Arthur said in a rush cutting his brother off. He shuddered at the silence he had and peaked at Arthur waiting to see stone cold anger, confusion, disgust, hurt. Though he saw something different: a guanine smile graced Arthur 's face.

"you're my brother?" Arthur whispered.

"Yes I am. My mother took our father in when Uther banished him from Camelot. Arthur, Uther asked Nimuae to destroy the child in your mother's womb so that he might have an heir that appears like him. She did that Arthur by changing your looks, so you might appear to be Uther's son. He was an evil man and drove your mother to heart ache thus killing her."

Arthur closed his eyes and made a fist," so my mother was right when she said I was born of magic, than."

It made sense Merlin was his brother as he had felt a connection to him when they had first meet, and then he felt more of that same felling when they had becoming friends, and felt no resentment rushing into danger for the boy. He also, if he looked closely, saw some similarities to him too. He had a nose like Merlin, and when he was little had the lanky form, Merlin has now. The face set was kind of the same, but his was more wide like Uther's was.

"There is something else too, Arthur." Merlin had come to be on the floor in front of his brother, and bit his lip. Arthur looked into his eyes and saw gold about them.

"I have magic, Arthur. I was born with magic and used it before I could talk. I used it only to aid Camelot and help you. I am very powerful but I don't know how much, but only that I am destined to see you on the throne. I am also the dragon lord now, like our father was, and that power was suppose to go to you, Arthur but Nimuae stripped you of it. "

Arthur's smile fell and he pointed at Merlin, "Then that was you then in the cave with the light, the one who saved us from the dragon, and the one that knocked the cup over when Morgona tried to take over the kingdom?"

Merlin looked away from Arthur and felt his pulse race-was his brother going to kill him? "Yes that was me, as was the other things, though you have uncle Gauis to thank for knocking mourgose out. Please try to believe me Arthur; I only ever used it for good."

Arthur stood up from the floor and looked down at Merlin who looked up at him. Rolling his eyes, he helped his brother off the floor and gave him a hug. "I can't believe it, Merlin. However, I do see it. Thank you, Merlin, for everything."

"So you're okay with this then-everything?"

"Like I said before, Merlin, I rather have you and Gauis over Uther. And some how it's like all this, everything as led up to this and doesn't surprise me one bit. In fact this is the first time I can recall being happy. Though that don't mean you're still not an idiot just because you're related to me." Arthur explained with a sense of his old manner coming back

Merlin pulled back and scrawled, "Why must you be such a prat?" He paused" What are we going to do now that Uther's dead?"

This caused the other brother to sigh, "I don't know as I wasn't his heir, Merlin. I have no claim to the throne, and I don't see the other's taking on a bastard son for the king. Maybe your so called destiny was a lie, Merlin."

Merlin smirked as he laughed and dragged his brother out the door. He led him down the hall and into the throne room where he pushed him in the chair. "I have half a mind to finish this whole destiny thing, Arthur. I worked my ass off to get you here. Arthur the people love you, Uther's child or no. your mother was queen and a Pendragon, and that makes you an heir through her. You are king, Arthur ."

Arthur looked about the room and over to his brother and smiled once again as if nothing happened over the last few weeks: as if Arthur never killed Merlin's mother or the two stopped talking. As if this was just another part of their lives. He tapped his foot and nodded as he pulled Merlin over to the throne. "if I am king, brother, that makes you either a distant blood tie prince or court warlock?"

"I take warlock any day; I think my mother would want that, and this."

"Yes, she would."

"Though a warlock lord would be nice…."

"I give you King Arthur and lord Emrys-warlock and brother to the king of Camelot!" the page yelled as the brothers crossed the hall and into the party. It has been four years sine the day when the pair found they were brothers and Merlin's mother was killed by Arthur hands. Though that was in the past now as the men enjoyed themselves with their friends.

They laughed as the night waned on the kingdom of Camelot that has been Arthur 's since two years ago, and he ruled greatly with his brother's advise in his ear when he was unsure or doubted himself. Both men had ordered thee pictures to be hanged in the west hall where the boys hand their rooms. The pictures were of their mothers and their father, so that they would not be forgotten.

It was late when the brother left the part to go to their rooms and bother were laughing and a little bit drunk. Arthur was holding Merlin up as his brother was dragging himself and tripping.

"heee you know Arthur , I think I quite like this!" said Merlin who, even though he was drunk, did not slur his words one bit.

"what's that little brother?"

" I am not little, Arthur !" Merlin exclaimed as he wobbled on his feet as he tried to glare at Arthur .

"Of course not Merlin my mistake, you are the big and bad warlock."

Merlin leaned back into his brother embrace as he tripped again, " of course I am, but that's not what I am talking about. I mean I like this: you being king and what not, it's very nice."

"Glad you think so," Arthur muttered as he pushed opened Merlin chambers door and dragged his brother to the chair by the fireplace. He dragged the other chair and sat down too. He felt like- well drunk! And he hated being drunk. He watched as Merlin slumbered and shook his head at him. He stood up and began to go back to his room when he felt coldness.

In front of him was his mother, Hurnith, and his father. They were as he recalled them-Balinor with his long hair and soft eyes, Hurnith's kind face and warm looks, and his mother was like he dreamed; fair skinned and beauty.

"How-" he began asking them as he blinked, but his mother shook her head.

"My baby, shhh now. We only have a few minutes, if that. We come to visit you and your brother, Arthur , to tell you we are proud of you both." Igraine spoke to him with a smile.

"Merlin might not be my son, but I have been looking after him the same as you, Arthur . You have both come along way. And still much to do"

"Don't blame me for my death Arthur, it was not your fault it was Uther's. He forced you. Merlin doesn't blame you, nor do I, so you shouldn't either." Hurnith spoke to Arthur then as she laid a ghost hand on his face, but he felt nothing.

"I am sorry Arthur I could not be there for you or Merlin. You are sons any father would ask for, and I feel this is all my fault."

Arthur looked to his father and felt tears on his face, "don't think that, father. It was not you fault it was no fault but Uther, who caused all this."

The trio smiled and looked to Merlin, "tell your brother we love him and we will always be here."

Arthur shook his head," can't you stay?"

The ghost started to fade then, like mist being blown away.

"We love you both very much"

They were gone. Arthur swallowed and didn't leave the room that night so he could tell Merlin when he awoke.

_**The end**_

**Well I hoped you liked it and had as much fun reading as I did writing. Now I have a question for all of you, if you would. I am stuck on if I should do another Merlin story or do a Severus snape/oc story with the cast as they go back as 19 years olds to complete Hogwarts. In the story, I put Severus back to the age of 28.**

**Any thoughts on what you whish to read would help me!**

**~ A far away world. ^_^**


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